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Broken dreams

My 4 legged boys Solas and SuperJet (Bobby and Bran in the backround!)

It's been an emotional rollercoaster with both of these boys. Jet had some setbacks with his jumping and I felt there was something not right, turns out my instincts were good and he was sore behind, possibly pulled a ligament. So he's been having some time off. He's come so far the last thing I want is that he's sore and loses confidence.

Then I've been having to accept the news that Solas will probably never come fully sound particularly in trot.

He's not sore anymore in fact he's flying about the place but he's moved incorrectly for so long now he moves with a permenant limp.

I've recently had 'The Emmet technique' worked on him and it's done wonders but he will still never look sound enough to pass a Dressage test.

It's been a hard pill to swallow, as like anyone I had dreams and ambitions for us and this is not the first, but the 4th time I've had similar happen. It gets harder to stay positive when you get used to bad news.

BUT here's the thing.. Yesterday I decided to clip Jet and ended up clipping both of them. This wouldn't sound like a big deal only that Solas has always been phobic of clippers.

He was dangerous at times. He would try to rear, spin and shake with fear ready to burst at any moment.

Over the years he's been sedated, twitched and i even had a natural horsemanship guy work on him, but it didn't fix the issue.

I did have a friend who in fairness did his best to help me and managed to clip him twice, but both times it was an ordeal, under duress and without Solas' permission and I would go away feeling although the job got done I'd failed my horse.

Deep down I knew the issue was me, I needed to 'grow a pair' and clip him myself.

But this year was different.

Not only did I clip him but he stood beside me with no restraint.

He was free to move away if he wanted but he didn't. He would turn his head around to sniff at the clippers and check in with me as I talked to him, murmuring silly things and singing (it's my way of not only relaxing the horses but making sure I'm not holding my breath!!)

He ended up so relaxed he was munching on hay and anyone who knows horses knows they won't eat while stressed!!

I feel like an idiot saying it but I cried while I clipped him. I felt like I'd won a championship.

This horse trusted me enough to let me do the thing he found scariest in the world and in that moment I realised it doesn't matter that we won't get to do another dressage test or jump that metre course I dreamt of. I have 2 horses that trust me more than anyone and that means more to me than any rosette or prize.

You see they aren't just horses for me to compete on. I have nothing against competitions at all but to me that's just a side.

The reason I love horses has nothing to do with how high they can jump or how fancy they look at Dressage. To me it's an honour that they allow me to ride on their backs at all, and to me above all else, they are my friends and part of my family.

palomino ISH thatched roof
Golden boy golden thatch

This situation has pushed me to stand back and re-assess. To remember what it is I truly love.

My horses have shown me what they can and can't do in comfort and their comfort is paramount.

These dreams I had haven't disappeared, they have been broken and rearranged and put into another shape..

Who knows maybe these new dreams will outshine any i could imagine!

My Mam knows me better than anyone left on this earth. I rang her when I was feeling sorry for myself wondering why when even though i do the best i can I seem to always get problems with all the horses i've had over the years.

She said "there's a reason for everything" and that these horses are sent to me as part of my souls' journey.

Her words rang true and I realised why I get the broken ones.. I try to fix them and in turn they fix me 💛💚

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